She was headed straight at me in my southbound fast lane of the freeway!  Oh God!!  I cried out, as the steering wheel was ripped from my hands and the car spun out of control. I was torn open under the left arm extending across my chest and my feet were in bad shape.  As you can see the drivers side was sheered off where I was seated. Paula Jean Brown was so intoxicated that she didn't know that she had entered the freeway going in the wrong direction, she didn't know what day it was and bought her way out of jail. She walked away with a cut on her nose on April 28,1988. Two private investigators could not locate her but charges were filed against her.

I remember the impact and the inability to breath after the wind was knocked out of me. I was gripped with indescribable fear as the car spun round and round, out of control. I remember saying, 'Dear God, Help Us!". I can't tell you how relieved I was when the car finally came to rest in the field along the freeway.  I was helped from the wreck by my friend Danny who was riding with me and another man who stopped, his wife got a blanket to lay me on from their trunk. Lord, Bless that couple who stopped!

As people stopped and stared, the Ambulance arrived and I was strapped to the gurney like a broken rag doll, and lugged to the roadside. I was taken to the nearest Red Cross facility in Rosarito, Baja California, Mexico. The assistant did her best to anesthetize me prior to the guy cleaning and stitching me up. There was a lot of difficulty getting an IV started. I was wheeled outside and down the block to the Hospital. The air felt crisp and I could see the sky blaze orange and reds above me as the day gave way to night. My friend said he was going to make phone calls to get me back across the border. Thankfully he sustained only a small scratch on his arm and needed no medical attention. He spoke fluent Spanish and English thus serving as a valuable translator.

 Once the Physician on duty reviewed my x-rays he called in an Orthopedic Specialist from Ensenada. He was located an hour south of where I was and they would not release me until he reviewed my case. The nurse had placed me in an isolated bed behind drawn curtains and attempted to remove my clothing, bless her heart, because I kept slapping her hands away. As time wore on I began slipping in and out of consciousness, and I could hear people talking and knew when I was being touched and moved but I could not respond. Once the Specialist arrived he reviewed my case quickly and said, "Get her home, there is nothing I can do for her, She's going into shock." 
 

In order to be sure the Hospital would get their money (300.00 US dollars), my friend, who had arrived left her car as collateral to secure my release. Had she not agreed to this I'm not sure I'd be alive today. I was loaded into the ambulance and told I was going home. I remember the pain from the bumpy road north to the border town of Tijuana and eventually blackness overcame me. The ambulance doors were opened by the Border Patrol Check and he asked his questions before he would allow me to be moved to the other unit and asked me if I knew who I was, where I was born, if I was a U.S. Citizen, and knew what had happened to me.

He closed the doors and everything faded until cold night air awoke me as I was being wheeled into the ER room in Chula Vista. I was asked all kinds of questions, chastised for being in Mexico and told I had nothing to cry about. I was informed I couldn't be treated because I was a military dependant and I didn't have life threatening injuries though I was in serious shock. I was sitting in the hallway waiting for x-rays and I kept hearing this scream. It was getting loud and I glanced around to see who it was. I realized in my searching that I was hearing my own.. from within...  

 I was bundled up put back in the ambulance and transferred to the Navy Hospital. The ride was harsh and I was glad when the rocking of the unit stopped. The early morning air was cold, when they opened the doors of the ambulance for the final ride it was nearly 3:00am. I was asked even more questions in triage and I told the guy he was getting on my nerves. He just laughed and said, 'Good' I'm doing my job then." I learned later he was instrumental in keeping me awake while they reopened, cleaned and sutured my wound and closely monitored my level of shock. After treating my open wound they reset my dislocated ankle and treated the closed fracture of my heel. I will never forget the look of sadness and uncertainty in the attending physicians eyes when I asked him if I was going to lose my foot. I knew the answer...

 

Near Death
no words can fully describe my experience or feelings during or after these events.
I can say I shall never be the same and I never hope to be.

I was in complete darkness and then, there was a Light all over, in and around me.  I became a part of bright, pure Light that was soothing and warmed me to the core. It was as though we were one and yet separate, flowing in and out somehow. I felt No pain which amazed me because I was aware my body was hurt. I thought wait a minute, No pain? how could that be! Can I feel the memory of it? I remembered events, but there was no palpable response to the memory. Where was I? I looked at my body but there was no form there in a physical sense as we know it. I heard a voice rise slowly, faint at first then clear, deep and soothing as it began to resonate within me. Am I hearing it with my ears? No, but the more I hear the voice the calmer I feel and it was nothing like I'd ever heard spoken before... All feelings of fear left me and my thoughts quieted. My spirit was calm and at ease. This was so Great !! I wasn't aware I was dead, nor where I was, I just knew it was awesome and painless. That was enough for me ;o)

The second time, I 'went' for the Light as it came again. I was floating and I could hear and feel the soothing vibration of the voice speaking to me. I felt so unencumbered and weightless in spirit. It was a comforting voice on such a deep level that I'd never experienced before, and yet, with as foreign as this seemed, I felt safe and secure.  I heard No, Not yet, as two hands, one on each side of me, gently pushed me back. I did not want to leave. Please, No! Let me stay!, the response was, "Not yet." That was the last I saw of the 'Light' or heard of the voice. 

When I asked to speak to someone about what I saw I was told that it was the meds, it was because of shock, it was all in my head. I was being told what I saw was a lie and made me to feel I was being told I was unstable for what I claimed to have experienced. I became afraid and told no one for a very long time about my experiences. I know with all my being that I was shown something very special, I was blessed to know that I am never alone, nor are any of us and that there is so much more that is greater than we could ever imagine!

What I learned from my Near Death Experiences
*My nearest helping hand is at the end of my own arm *
*My faith carries me further than my legs ever have *
*This is not all there is to who I am or will become *
*I am more than a victim or another statistic *
 *I'll never be Whole if I believe I'm Less *
*Forgiveness beings with Me*

In three weeks time I became a divorced, disabled, jobless, homeless, single parent.  I didn't know how I was going to care for my daughter, work and provide shelter for us both. It was hard for my daughter to understand what happened, let alone that I may never fully recover, after all she was only 4 at the time. I lost the ability to walk, became fearful of being in crowds, and loud noises startled me. I was rarely sleeping and I couldn't stop the nightmares of seeing the twisted metal and hearing the impact. It's been a test, yet in the lows and darkest of moments there has been deep abiding Hope, urging me to keep going.
 

I wrote a letter to the woman, a year after the wreck. I mailed that letter a year later, and it's never been returned. Every piece of mail sent to her was returned with, 'Person not at this Address' written on it. Nothing can ever bring back what used to be,  but it was up to me how I chose to live. As unjust and unbelievably painful as this ordeal is, I'm not willing to let it define who I am or will be. Had I died in the wreck, I would not know the joys of life with my new husband, received a college diploma, watched my daughter graduate high school, or learn to fly a stunt kite.  I've been broken in more ways than I can count and pushed beyond more than I thought I could ever endure. I've been on State and Federal assistance at one time or another and just about every program for rehab that you can think of. I've had dreams shattered and live to make new ones.

 Odds are 3 in 10 that You will be affected by a drunk driver.
Every 32 minutes a loved one won't be walking through the door for dinner.
I pray, it won't be You !



A Word of Thanks to
 Drs. M. Botte (a,b), R. Bray, PHd, TFT, Mary Cowley,TFT,VT, B. Thompson, B Baker
 and all who assisted me in re building the pieces.
To Linda D. who knew to leave when she put the ice packs on
and encouraged me to keep reaching no matter what I face,
Linda M. & Cindy C. who opened home & heart to us.
Thank You for the Kindness of Strangers !!

My beloved Daughter and Husband.
You're Angels on Earth to me
I can't Thank You, enough !